What are some funny stories of people calling 911 for non-emergencies?

Me- “…… THEN WHY ARE WE HERE?!!!!”

Martha- “Oh, I don’t think I should refuse care. I’ll go.”

Patient- “Oh, two weeks.”

Do you think AI language models like Claude AI will ever be able to truly match someone's unique writing style?

Martha- “Yeah, do you want to see my vagina?”

Martha- “I walked.”

Martha- “I don’t know. If they take me to the hospital, are they going to do anything? Or just discharge me.”

Is T-Mobile secretly recording your phone's screen? How to check and turn it off - ZDNET

The question I always ask is, “& What prompted you to call 911 tonight?” which is in part, medically relevant. Did a new symptom start? Did the pain get worse tonight? But also satisfies my personal need to know, “Why the fuck did you call 911 for a problem you’ve had for 2 weeks?”

Well we had one woman, who redefined “frequent flier”. This woman would get in one of her moods, and she could call 911 up to three times in one day! The insurance company complained a lot, but legally (& this varies by state) we can’t tell her not to go. We’re going to call her Martha, because I can’t use her real name. The one day, we pick her up at a church for “leg pain”. Mind you, the woman walks with a cane. I confirm her address because I’m puzzled. I said, “You’re about 5 miles away from home. How did you get here?”

Officer- “Yes! Thank god!”

From Trader Joe’s to Children’s Hospital, these are the Colorado locations where you could have been exposed to measles - The Denver Post

Martha- “Well, I don’t know if I should, because this is embarrassing. People might see.”

Me- “No…. No I do not….. Do you feel comfortable walking down to the ambulance?”

But what really kills motivation in EMS are “frequent fliers.” I’ve been a patient in an ambulance twice in my life. Frequent fliers are people who will ride in your ambulance an average of 2–5 times per month. And it’s always bullshit! You have to treat it like it’s serious. Because the one day you don’t, it’s going to be serious. But it’s always bullshit.

How do you take your erotic photos and how do you choose the poses?

Me- “Whether you walk down or we carry down, you’re going to be in front of people. Let’s go.” Which was my polite way of saying, “I ain’t carrying your fat ass and itchy vagina down to my ambulance.”

Martha- “Oh, to the pharmacy, and to the grocery store, and to the social services office, and to my doctor.”

I think the dumbest reason was when somebody called 911 because “they were unable to fall asleep.” I told that story to a new Mom, and she suggested we should have just driven him around the block a couple of times and dropped him back on the bench. We get people call because they need their meds refilled. Homeless people call because it’s cold out and they want to spend the night in the hospital.

What are the causes of over sweating?

12 years in EMS, I could probably inspire a TV show with the 911 calls I’ve been on. & If I’m being totally honest, there’s probably more bullshit than the really high dramatic calls like you see on TV.

……. I literally wanted to just start screaming at the top of my lungs!

Martha- “Then I don’t think I should go.”

When have you been in an accident where the other person involved blatantly lied to the police about what transpired?

My record is 6 years. “How long have you been experiencing these symptoms?” “6 years” “& what do you think the hospital is going to do for you tonight?”

Me- “That’s a lot of walking, especially with a cane. Could that be why your leg hurts?”

Last story, because I know I type way too long. We get called to Martha, and sometimes you can just hear in the dispatcher’s voice, that they can’t believe the bullshit they’re saying. “Responding for the 60 year old female with an itchy vagina.”

What is a good tool for product analytics besides Google Analytics?

Martha- “I don’t know! I fell!”

I’m already mad going to the call. Get there and she’s strumming her crotch like Eddie Van Halen on a guitar. “Let me summarize the events that led to us being here, as you described them to me, ma ‘am. You were diagnosed with a yeast infection. The doctor prescribed an ointment to use. Upon first application of said ointment, your symptoms were not immediately resolved. So you called your physician. The automated message when you called said that if you are having a medical emergency, hang up and dial 911, which you interpreted as advice specific to your situation. And now we’re here…”

Martha- “No….”

Why do so many men on the internet try to compete with women, or try to "humble" and bash them? There's so many videos across my tiktok and YouTube of men claiming how they're wanting to get back at women and put them in thier place.

A question we’re always supposed to ask is, “How long have you been experiencing these symptoms?”

Me- “I can’t tell you what the hospital is going to do. We don’t work for the hospital.”

Me- “If I saw this woman naked, I’d be going to the hospital for anxiety.”

Astronomers see the 1st stars dispel darkness 13 billion years ago at 'Cosmic Dawn' - Space

But the response I always get is the offended look like, “Well, it hurts! So I think I should get it checked out. Don’t you?”

6 hours go by. We haven’t had another call since. Get dispatched back to her address. “Fell in the shower.” My buddy, who only worked a half shift that day, is laughing hysterically, because he knows how much I, in particular, hate her. Police Officer meets us at the entrance and gives a report. First question we ask her, “Is she wearing clothes?”

After a waste of time check for any visual injuries, “Do you want to go to the hospital?”

Baseball Opens MCWS With 7-4 Win Over Arizona - Coastal Carolina University Athletics

Me- “Are you hurt?”

Me- (Trying to contain my pure excitement) “That’s fine. Then we’re just going to have you sign a form that says we assessed you and you don’t want to go. Then we’ll be out of here.”

Goes on one of her 3x 911 calls in a day spree. First one was with the night shift. 2nd one, I’m on. It is for anxiety. Now, you can call 911 for anxiety. But, I expect you to be curled up into a ball screaming to warrant 911. She’s standing out front her apartment, calm as can be, like she’s hailing a cab with flashing lights. Says, “I have the fears…..” We’re at a point now, we can just call the hospital and say, “Coming in with Martha.” And they flip out like, “What is it now?” Only patient they’ll have us wheel to the waiting room. ER hates her more than we do. We only deal with her for the 10 minute transport.

The Apple AirPods Pro and AirPods 4 Drop to the Lowest Prices of the Year for Father's Day - IGN

Me- “Did you trip & fall? Or did you get dizzy and fall?”

Me- “How far have you walked today?”

Me- “Ma ‘am, what prompted you to call 911 now, at 3am in the morning, as opposed to anytime in the last 2 weeks….”

‘Star Wars’ Boss Says It’s ‘Remarkable’ the ‘First Print’ of George Lucas’ 1977 Original Was Found and Screened After Decades; Discovery Called a ‘Miracle’ - Variety

She’s walking around her apartment, no problem. Fully dressed. I ask, “What happened today ma ‘am?”

Martha- “I don’t know. I fell.”